Heartbeats
by Valma
Summary: Daphne discovers that Niles has a health problem that deserves immediate attention. (N.B. this story contains spoiler information for the three November 2002 "sweeps" programmes)
1. Default Chapter

Author's Note:This work is dedicated to my mother Edna Fern Roberts, who died Nov. 29/02, of a heartattack, while I was in the process of writing this story. She always encouraged me to be creative and also was an enthusiastic fan of "Frasier". - VJM  
  
  
  
Heartbeats (Part 1) Discoveries  
  
  
  
by Valma  
  
  
  
"Daphne?"  
  
The darkness of their bedroom seemed to make the clarity of his voice all the more resonant.  
  
"Daphne - are - are you awake?"  
  
As she rubbed her eyes open and focused her mind, she detected a definite edge to Niles' voice. She felt his arm slip around her waist as he drew his body up close to hers.  
  
"He's worried about something," she thought. "But knowing Niles it could be about anything, from a scratch in his new Brahms CD to Frasier finding out that he can't go with him to the wine exhibition next week."  
  
Her hand reached around and clasped his fingers in reassurance.  
  
"I am now," she chided gently.  
  
She glanced at the clock on the nightstand. It was late but Niles had told her he didn't feel sleepy, so he was going to stay up for awhile and work on some patient files in his study. It had taken her awhile to drift off alone in the bed. She missed him being there beside her, in his favourite sleeping position, curled up along side of her, molding his body perfectly with hers, so that his warm, moist breath tickled the hair on the back of her neck. But despite feeling his absence tonight, she finally had succumbed to the enticement of a good night's rest.  
  
Now, through the haze of somnolence, Daphne let her thoughts meander through her "Niles Anxiety File", searching for the origin of his current annoyance. She finally settled on the most likely suspect - a toothache. He had complained on and off throughout the week of a feeling of pain in his jaw. She had told him to make an appointment with Dr. Clarkson, but he obviously had not done this. She sighed. Sometimes she thought he acted this way just to get the maximum amount of attention from her.  
  
"I bet it started right back in his childhood days," she judged. "He probably got used to having someone pay him heaps of notice whenever he whimpered about one of his many ailments or allergies when he was younger. But then he is inordinately adorable when he is fussing about something."  
  
A smile came to her lips and she patted his hand.  
  
"What is it sweetie? Is your tooth still bothering you?" she asked in a compassionate tone. "Do you want me to make an appointment with your dentist in the morning, Niles?"  
  
She knew she was indulging him, but what was so wrong with pampering him? He lavished attention on her constantly - it was only fair that she cater to his little behaviour quirks now and then.  
  
"I think I have to see someone else other than the dentist," he answered. His voice was clipped and somber. He seemed to be struggling to get the words out.  
  
"I think I should see a - a specialist."  
  
Daphne shook her head. He really did fret about the smallest of things sometimes.  
  
"Niles, if you hadn't delayed seeing the dentist in the first place it wouldn't have got this bad. Now it is probably abscessed and you may have to have root canal or lose the tooth all togeth-"  
  
"It's not just my tooth," Niles interrupted. "I - I think it may be - my heart."  
  
Daphne sat up in bed and turned towards his voice.  
  
"Niles, don't exaggerate! You're scaring me! What do you mean it may be your heart? What has a pain in your mouth got to do with your heart? Is this some kind of a joke?"  
  
In the darkness she could see the pale outline of his body. His face was taut and drawn. There wasn't a hint of his usually dry, witty sense of humour in his demeanor. Nor was this just a pouty bid for attention. Daphne suddenly felt shaky.  
  
She reached over and flicked on the lamp.  
  
"Niles - what's this about? Talk to me."  
  
And so the words began to tumble out of his mouth. At first she wanted to argue with him - tell him that he was imagining it and to stop being so paranoid and whiny. It was just a toothache - millions of people all over the world got toothaches and no one ever suggested that they had faulty tickers. But then as she listened to him, his voice trembling as he spoke, she realised that there was some substance to his apparent irrational fears.  
  
Of course she was fully aware of the congenital heart disorder that had only been discovered in his late twenties when he was about to marry Maris. He didn't really talk about it often, which was strange when he seemed to dwell on all sorts of other minor infirmities so much. But they did have a brief, yet serious sit-down about it one day when she noticed that he looked particularly pallid. Moderate Aortic Stenosis he called it. She knew that it meant that he had to take antibiotics whenever he visited the dentist and that he would be prone to serious infections if he didn't. It was a prudent precaution and mandatory for people with heart valve problems like his. But what did this to do with the pain he had been experiencing in his teeth? He hadn't even been to the dentist yet?  
  
Her mind raced through a dozen questions while he was explaining that because of his childhood coronary troubles he suspected that there might be some related concerns when the pain in his jaw wouldn't go away. It seemed to only appear whenever he exerted himself, like when he got a large file box down from a shelf earlier this evening as he was working on patient's case, and he felt nauseated after encountering the pain. Tonight, after having another episode, he decided to investigate on the internet and found some information that seemed to confirm his suspicions.  
  
"So you think the toothache is really something else?" she finally asked.  
  
"Yes," he said succinctly.  
  
"But what?" she countered.  
  
"I think I have been having a series of angina attacks," he answered.  
  
"Angina?" Daphne said in a tone of disbelief. "Are you sure? I thought angina was a pain in the chest area?"  
  
"Well, it can manifest itself as a toothache on occasion," Niles confirmed. His eyes trailed downward as he began to fidget with his fingers as he spoke.  
  
"And course it could be just a toothache," he added quickly. "It is rather rare that a congenital heart problem would worsen over the years. Usually they become less severe when a person passes into adulthood."  
  
He looked at Daphne, his eyes pleading with her to just accept his shallow diagnosis and not to ask for too many details, until further expert examination had been done. But it was the unspoken particulars that fed her fearfulness.  
  
"Niles, how serious is this?"  
  
Even to Daphne the sound of her voice seemed almost melodramatic - like one of the soap operas on the telly, that she found mindless entertainment in on a cold wet rainy Seattle day. She half expected a soothing man to break into their conversation with the words "We'll be right back, after a word from Tide detergent."  
  
"Well," he started and then paused thoughtfully, measuring his words carefully "Aortic Stenosis has been known to degenerate - in mid-life. The angina could be an indication that less oxygen is getting to the heart. It could be the prelude to heart - fail - failure."  
  
With that her hands flew up to her mouth as she gasped a sharp intake of breath.  
  
"I sorry, Daphne, I, I didn't mean to alarm you," he said catching her hands and holding them tightly in his. "I'll make an appointment tomorrow with Dr. Harris and he can refer me to a cardiologist if it is warranted. An EKG should settle the question."  
  
Daphne suddenly realised why he hadn't talked a lot about this problem before. It frightened him just as much as it was frightening her now.  
  
"Make it first thing tomorrow, all right?" Daphne frowned.  
  
She reached out and hugged him tightly.  
  
"First thing tomorrow, O.K.?" she repeated. She could feel his hands on her back, patting her reassuringly.  
  
Niles pushed back a bit, brushing her hair away from her face and then leaned in and kissed her lightly.  
  
"Yes, boss," he joked. "Permission to go to sleep now?"  
  
"Permission granted," she retorted with a small, nervous laugh. But Daphne held onto him for a few moments longer, gazing deep into his dark blue eyes.  
  
She kissed him once and then pressed her face up to his cheek and whispered "I love you Niles. It took me so long to find you - I, I don't know what I would do if - "  
  
Niles stopped her in mid-sentence.  
  
"Don't worry darling. It probably is just my overactive imagination. That's all. But the doctors will be able to tell us for sure. Now let's turn off the lights and get some sleep."  
  
His noble attempt to allay her uneasiness just reinforced her misgivings that this was a very serious situation.  
  
"No," Daphne declared. "I want the light left on. And, and I want to hold you just like this."  
  
She cuddled in his arms and leaned against the padded headboard of their bed. Niles didn't offer any argument to the contrary. He seemed fully content with the position she had selected, as he pulled the duvet up around their reclining forms.  
  
Daphne closed her eyes and buried her face in his chest. She could hear his heart thumping.  
  
"Good," she reasoned. "I want that to be the first sound I hear when I wake in the morning."  
  
And they remained that way, in each other's arms until sleep overtook them and the morning light flooded the room the next day.  
  
  
  
To be continued (Part 2 to follow) 


	2. Part 2 Into the Fire

Heartbeats (Part 2 - Into the Fire)  
  
by Valma  
  
  
  
Niles gingerly took the key out of the car ignition and slipped it into his suitcoat pocket. He knew it was late in the afternoon, early evening actually and a fleeting glance at his watch confirmed his suspicions - a little after six o'clock.  
  
Daphne might be wondering a bit where he was by now, but she probably wouldn't be too concerned about her ever-practical and always predictable husband. He had finished the appointment with the cardiologist that Dr. Harris had referred him to about an hour ago, but for a multitude of reasons he found that he just couldn't rush right home and deliver the news to his anxious wife.  
  
It was just that he needed time to think, time for himself, he repeated over and over again.  
  
"I'm not avoiding anything," he muttered to no one in particular, since no one was in the car with him. "I've just got to have some "alone" time to get organized. There --- there's a lot to do. A lot to think about. And --- and Daphne would just want to know all the information all at once, and then I wouldn't have time ---"  
  
He stopped. This wasn't going to be easy. The news wasn't cheery. Relying on professional courtesy, Niles cajoled the cardiologist into letting him have a copy of the EKG to take home. He wanted some concrete proof in his hand when he faced Daphne with the information about his condition. He knew she wouldn't accept the results easily.  
  
There was a brief statement at the bottom of the report concerning the prognosis of the patient.  
  
"Unless immediate corrective surgery is performed," it said, "the most likely outcome will be death."  
  
Death.  
  
The word was just five letters long, but it packed quite a wallop.  
  
Death - the most likely outcome. Not a pleasant verdict to accept.  
  
"But I don't have to accept it," Niles reminded himself. "I can get the surgery and have a fighting chance."  
  
Niles set the manila envelope containing the results of battery of tests that he had gone through that afternoon, down on the smooth, tan leather of the front seat. He tipped his head back until it came in contact with the headrest and let out a sigh. His eyes closed and let his mind trip through some random memories.  
  
Happy times. Like when they slipped the hastily purchased wedding bands at the Lucky Seven Casino on each other's fingers. And the sound of her voice, as she shouted above the taped wedding bells, the words he had only dreamed about for so many years - "You may kiss the bride." Or the moment of breathless anticipation just before they coupled in an explosion of passion so indiscreetly in the living room of Frasier's apartment that fateful afternoon. He remembered opening his eyes, just before he fell towards Daphne, lying there on the floor, wanting to imprint in his mind the feeling of total euphoria he had, as he viewed her in all her sexual glory. Her head tilted back, the arch in her spine as she lifted off the floor, her fingers pressing into his flesh, her moist, ruby lips parting as she cried out his name in eagerness. He loved the fact that she craved him as much as he did her. A shiver ran though his body. He could live in that moment forever --- and did, each time they made love. His mind went further. He could feel the tenderness as he held her in his arms and they kissed on the balcony of the Wayside Inn. That was the first honest kiss they had. No fantasy on either of their parts at last. She used the words "I do love you" and he thought his heart was going to jump out of his chest.  
  
"How ironic," Niles nervously chuckled. An involuntary tear traced down his cheek. Niles wiped it away with the back of his hand.  
  
"No tears," he declared out loud. "I won't make things worse for her. I have to show her that there's nothing to worry about. That this can be a positive event. We caught it in time and it is going to be fixed. If I appear fearful or weak that will just make her worry more and I won't be the cause of any pain for her."  
  
With that Niles snapped his head up and opened his eyes. There, standing in the doorway of the underground garage at a distance of about 15 feet, was Daphne. She looked hesitant, like she was unsure as to whether retreat back into the stairwell, or go forward to greet him.  
  
The brief thought about whether she could tell his emotional state from that range was pushed aside, as he gathered his courage and the envelope and made his way towards her.  
  
"What are you doing here?" he tenderly inquired, planting a light kiss on her cheek. He wondered for a moment if she could tell by the flush in his face that he had been crying.  
  
"I --- I was just curious as to what was taking you so long," Daphne sputtered. "Thought you might have run into some trouble, like you did when you locked the keys in the car a month ago." She purposely jangled the car keys in her hand as evidence.  
  
It was a good cover. Niles latched onto it eagerly.  
  
"You are always so considerate, darling," he chirped. "No, no I didn't do that. I'm late because the tests took longer than anticipated and I wanted to stick around to get the results."  
  
He smiled a reassuring smile as he reached out and stroked her hair softly. Daphne closed her eyes and gulped. Niles could tell she was on the precipice of an emotional breakdown.  
  
"Daphne," he started. She opened her eyes. They were blood-shot red.  
  
"Daphne," he said again. "We have some things to discuss. But let's go upstairs. This isn't the place to talk. I'm going to be all right. We caught it in time. Please look on this as a positive thing."  
  
His hands went around her waist and he drew her up close to him as they walked to the elevator. He could feel her sag a bit in his arms, like the air had been let out of her. He held her tighter and kissed the top of her head as they traveled up towards their apartment. As if the whole world was respecting their wishes, they didn't meet another soul thankfully. Niles didn't feel like he could talk again until he closed the front door of the apartment and they sat down on the couch. He tapped the envelope with a nervous finger and then turned towards his wife.  
  
"I have to have surgery immediately," he bluntly reported.  
  
"Better to get it out right away," he thought. "She has a right to know. And I can't really hide that anyway."  
  
He heard her gasp a bit and bite her bottom lip. Daphne remained silent --- like she was waiting for the other shoe to drop.  
  
"They allowed me to come home to tell you and gather some things before I check in tonight. I'm scheduled for a coronary bypass in two days. Dr. Schafer is the surgeon who will be performing the operation. He's a good man."  
  
The words rushed out of him like blood flowing from an open wound. He wanted to get it all out before she could react.  
  
Niles plunged onward.  
  
"I --- I have the results of the test here. They are just a bunch of numbers and graphs, but what it comes down to --- is ---is that I am very lucky. If I hadn't have gone to the doctor's when I did, things could have been much --- much worse."  
  
Daphne looked at him, her eyes fixated on his. Suddenly she burst into tears and wailed.  
  
"Oh, Niles!!!" she sobbed. "I can't believe this is happening!"  
  
Niles gathered her in his arms and rocked her gently.  
  
"Shh, shh, my love," he cooed. "I'm telling you, everything is going to be all right."  
  
"I --- I kept hoping that you would come home and tell me it turned out to be indigestion, or even a peptic ulcer, or --- " her voice trailed off and a fresh batch of tears erupted.  
  
"Daphne," Niles insisted. "Daphne, please don't cry. I'm going to have the surgery and everything will be O.K. --- O.K.?"  
  
He lifted her head up and kissed her.  
  
"You'll see," he reassured her. "In a little while you'll be wondering what all the fuss was about. Please dear, believe me. I love you too much to ever let go of you that easily."  
  
Daphne buried her head in his chest.  
  
"You better come back to me," she said determinedly. "You still have to clean that damn bird cage!"  
  
"Well, you know me," Niles retorted. "I'd pull any trick not to touch that filthy thing."  
  
Daphne laughed and raised her head. A fierce look of resolve was imprinted on her face.  
  
"Come on," she grimaced, fighting back the tears. "Let's go get your things together and get you to the hospital."  
  
  
  
To be continued (Part 3 to follow) 


	3. Part 3 The Road Back

Heartbeats (Part 3 - The Road Back)  
  
  
  
by Valma  
  
  
  
At first it felt like he was swimming underwater --- in the dark. Or maybe it just seemed that way because his eyes were closed? There was a definite sensation of pressure on his limbs. It was like he was in a pond and there were reeds and other vegetation that he kept getting tangled up in. He tried to break free of them, but he just couldn't. His chest was beginning to hurt too. He knew he had to get to the surface soon to get some air --- if he could just --- move his arms ---  
  
"Niles --- Niles, I'm here, darling. Just like I promised."  
  
That voice was like a rescue line, thrown into the water to pull him to safety.  
  
"Open your eyes dear --- but don't try and move, it's much too soon."  
  
A familiar scent of cherry bark and almonds drifted into his consciousness. Niles felt a pair of warm, moist lips graze his forehead. The kiss rushed through him like a surge of electricity. Slowly he forced his eyes open. Daphne's face came into focus as he surfaced from his drug-induced slumber.  
  
"Daphne," he whispered hoarsely. His throat ached fiercely. It was like a thousand, no make that two thousand needles had been thrust into his esophagus. He reasoned that it must be from the post-operative tube that had been recently removed by a merciful nurse probably just before he woke up.  
  
Daphne reached out and gently stroked his cheek, chuckling softly.  
  
"That's one of the last things I heard you say before you went into surgery, Niles," she said tenderly. "You're going to have to think of something else to say, or this is going to start to get boring."  
  
Niles closed his eyes and willed his mouth to turn up at the corners and smile to show his appreciation of her joke. He wanted to comeback with a witty reply but he just couldn't. Everything hurt too much.  
  
He felt her cool hand cover his, as it lay motionless on the bed.  
  
"I want you to know that everything turned out fine, darling," Daphne reported. "They are going to keep you in here for a while yet, but the operation was a complete success. You're going to be all right. You relax now and get some rest. I'll be back later."  
  
Niles opened his eyes up again, sending a silent plea for her to remain.  
  
"Niles, you need your rest. I promise you, I'll be back in a little while," Daphne reiterated.  
  
"Please --- please stay --- Daphne."  
  
That plaintive entreaty came at the expense of another piercing pain in his windpipe. A tear slid down his cheek. Niles sighed. It was humiliating to be so helpless.  
  
Daphne quickly wiped away the salty stain on his face.  
  
"Is it all right if I do?" he heard her whisper to an unseen nurse who was obviously standing guard over his bed.  
  
No audible answer was evident, but Niles knew his request had been granted as Daphne nodded in gratitude and then looked down at him.  
  
"Of course," she said patting his hand. "Now close your eyes and don't say another word. I want you to regain your strength and get out of here as quickly as possible and home where you belong. And you can't do it if you keep on talking."  
  
He obediently followed her instructions, comforted by the slight squeeze of her hand around his fingers.  
  
True to her word, Daphne stayed until his quiet rhythmic wheezing told her that he was in a state of deep repose.  
  
  
  
  
  
When Niles next opened his eyes, the morning light was streaming through the slats of the window blinds like the tines of a fork.  
  
Cautiously he moved his head and looked around the flower-filled room. His eyes were finally rewarded with the desired object of his search. There was Daphne slumped in the chair across the room, her feet propped up on a matching seat, which she had requisitioned as a footstool, her long black sweater-coat wrapped around her reclining form.  
  
Niles smiled and boldly decided to sit up to get a better view of his sleeping beauty.  
  
Bad idea! Agony gripped his chest causing him to let out a low moan and collapse back onto the bed.  
  
Upon hearing that utterance Daphne roused from her sleep and swiftly came to his bedside.  
  
"Niles," she said with a definite tone of agitation. "Niles, are you all right? Do you want me to fetch the nurse?"  
  
Niles shook his head. "No," he said weakly. "I think I just found out an important lesson, that's all. No sudden movements --- and that includes sitting up for right now."  
  
He smiled up at her and she bent low to greet him with a kiss.  
  
"You look and sound much better dear," Daphne said.  
  
"My mouth is so dry it feels like I have been chewing on sandpaper."  
  
"When were you ever chewing on sandpaper?" she inquired with suspicion.  
  
He rolled his eyes and then came back with "All right - how about one of your corn muffins."  
  
"Sense of humour back to normal, I see," Daphne counterpointed. She sat down on the edge of his bed and gathered his hand in hers.  
  
"So how are really you feeling? I mean, besides from your discovery that sudden movements were out of the question for right now."  
  
"I feel," Niles began, "I feel --- lucky to be alive."  
  
"Well, things are going to have to change, you know," she warned stroking his cheek softly. "You're going to have to give up your wicked, wicked ways. I have a whole list of demands - more walking, less fatty foods and regular check-ups. You have to start taking better care of yourself."  
  
"Yes, yes, all of that for sure," he quickly agreed. Niles paused for a brief moment and then haltingly said, "Daphne --- it was a very frightening experience. I don't think I have ever been so --- so terrified in all my life. I can't believe that I have been given a second chance. I --- I --- "  
  
His wife leaned forward and hugged him as best she could, navigating around the cords and tubes that still surrounded him.  
  
"Shhh, it's all right darling."  
  
They sat there for several minutes silently drawing strength from each other. He desperately wished he could put his arms around her, but for right now he would have to be content being the inert recipient of her love and affection.  
  
"Niles --- it's over. You're going to be all right. I know it will take a while for things to go back to being normal, but it will happen. We just have to be thankful that the operation was successful and move on from there. Now, let's open up some more of your cards and letters ---"  
  
Niles smiled weakly in affirmation and watched her, as she got up and started flitting about the hospital room with a cheery optimism that seemed determined to drive away any lingering doubts. But deep inside him there was still an element of fear that just would not disappear. It sat there in the pit of his soul like a stone in his shoe. The psychiatrist in him knew he would have to deal with it eventually, but for right now he wiggled his subconscious around the uneasiness and decided that he would put on a brave facade. Maybe if he repeated those shop-worn clichés about learning from this experience and having a new lease on life enough times they would drown out his apprehensions. It was easier than facing it, at the moment, scaring both Daphne and himself with all this gloomy talk.  
  
"You just relax, darling, I'll read them to you," Daphne said jauntily as she donned her glasses, pulled a chair close to his bedside and grabbed a pile of envelopes. "Oh --- this one is from --- Mel."  
  
Daphne glanced up over the rim of her glasses waiting for a reaction before preceding any further.  
  
"Mel?"  
  
Niles hadn't spoken to her since the night she left Frasier's pre-opera party in a royal flurry, declaring that she wanted a divorce. And she had been true to her word, this time. No delays, no tricks, no more torturous subterfuge - just a quick, clean divorce handled through their respective lawyers. For the best really, considering the ugliness that had swirled around them once ---  
  
"Niles, do you want me to open it?" Daphne asked.  
  
Niles briefly contemplated taking the easy way out and tossing it in the garbage pail, but then his conscience took over. He should at least listen to whatever she had to say --- maybe she would be surprisingly compassionate and put aside her hurt feelings.  
  
"What will it be Niles?" Daphne persisted. "Are you up to it? It's totally your decision."  
  
"Yes, yes, read it --- I guess it would be the right thing to do," Niles said pensively.  
  
Daphne obediently slit open the envelope and pulled the card out. She paused and then closed the card.  
  
"I don't think we'll read this just now," she said protectively. "It isn't really appropriate --- not the sort of thing that you want to hear this morning."  
  
"Daphne," Niles replied. "They're only words. She can't really hurt us now. And --- and in a way I still feel I owe her a bit of leeway. I gained so much when I found you and she lost something she was never expecting to. Even though I didn't mean to, I was very deceptive in my relationship with her and that just wasn't right. It must have hurt her."  
  
All right," Daphne reluctantly agreed and took a big breath to steady herself. "Dear Niles, I guess we are finally even - we both have a scar on our hearts now. Here's hoping that yours heals quicker than mine did. Take care, Mel."  
  
Niles watched as she folded the crisp parchment and returned it to its wrapper.  
  
Daphne tapped the edge of the envelope on her knee, waiting for Niles to say something before commencing with anything else.  
  
"I see --- " Niles simply said as a petulant look crept across his face.  
  
Daphne laughed and patted his hand. "Look on the bright side - she did wish you a speedy recovery."  
  
"I suppose ---" Niles brooded.  
  
"Oh, darling, never mind that, " Daphne said brightly, coming to his emotional rescue. "Let's open the next one ---"  
  
  
  
And so for the rest of the visitation they sat together, Daphne reading the get-well wishes, while Niles lay listening to her melodic voice drift over him like a soothing bath. It was going to be a long road back, but Niles felt good he had started that journey with Daphne by his side.  
  
To be continued (Part 4 to follow) 


	4. Part 4 Detours

Heartbeats (Part 4 - Detours)  
  
  
  
By Valma  
  
  
  
"Doesn't it feel good to be home, Niles?" Daphne prodded gently as they made their way out of the elevator at the Montana.  
  
Niles glanced over at his wife and smiled weakly, but said nothing, as he stepped cautiously into the short hallway leading up to the entrance of the apartment.  
  
Deftly shifting his overnight bag in her one hand, Daphne unlocked the front door of their abode with the other.  
  
"I asked Mum to give us a bit of time to get you settled, so she went out shopping and shouldn't be back until dinnertime."  
  
She paused, waiting for a response, but when none was forthcoming, she continued, "I've got everything ready for you. Mum gave up the guest bedroom so you don't have to climb the stairs until you're strong enough. I've got a good selection of your books in the room and I moved the portable CD player in there, as well with a rack of your favourite discs for you to listen to."  
  
Niles nodded in approval but still remained uncharacteristically mute.  
  
Daphne had noted that he had said very little since she had picked him up at the hospital that morning upon his release from the cardiac care unit. When she slipped into his room just shortly after 9:00 a.m. she found him there, sitting on the edge of the bed, immaculately dressed in the clothes she had brought for him the night before, after the doctors had finally cleared him to go home. But he didn't seem eager at all for someone who was about to go home after nearly two long weeks of recovering in the hospital from his heart surgery. In fact, his whole demeanor, shoulders stooped slightly, eyes downcast and hands folded neatly in his lap, was one of resignation more than enthusiasm. When she called out his name, he brightened up and smiled bravely for her benefit, but she could tell he was deeply troubled by the whole circumstance he found himself in.  
  
The doctors had warned Daphne that there would be a psychological aftereffect from the surgery. "A period of adjustment" they had called it. They said that often the physical scars after a bypass procedure heal much more quickly than the injuries to the mind. Clinical depression was very common in cases like Niles', but just how long it would last was not exactly known though. It depended on the individual - some people quickly recovered from the trauma of such a life-threatening experience, while others took much longer to realize how best to get back into the swing of everyday life. All the physicians and counselors that Daphne had consulted with, advised her to just take it easy on him for the next little while and let him find his own pace at which to re-enter into the hustle and bustle of normal existence.  
  
"Is there anything else you'll need, darling?" The question hung for a moment in the air, while Niles' eyes ran distractedly over the spines of the books on the shelves near the bed.  
  
"Were you looking for a particular book? I wasn't quite sure that I got all of your favourites? Niles---"  
  
"No, no, you didn't forget anything, Daphne," Niles interrupted. "You've done a wonderful job. I couldn't have done better if I had picked them out myself. Thank you, my love."  
  
Daphne reached out and caressed his arm with her fingers, "You can thank me better than that, can't you?" she teased, turning him slowly around to face her.  
  
"Oh, yes, of course," he stuttered as he leaned forward and kissed her lightly on the mouth. His lips were dry and there was a faint "hospital" odour about him.  
  
"Niles," Daphne said cautiously, "do you feel like taking a nice warm shower? I'll set the water at just the right temperature the doctors recommended for you. I think it would refresh you and might help you feel more comfortable. Mum won't be back for a while yet and we could relax together, you know --- have a little welcome back celebration just for ourselves."  
  
Her hands meandered down his front as she began to unbutton his shirt, like she had done countless times before. Daphne felt his spine suddenly stiffen and he backed off a step, turning away as he spoke in a rush, "Please, Daphne, I --- I can do that myself, you know --- I --- I'm not helpless!"  
  
Daphne bit her lip as she reached out and stroked the hair on the back of his head, "Niles, what's wrong? I've never known you to pull away from my touch before."  
  
"N ---nothing," he stammered. "It's --- it's just I still feel sore and very tender around the s ---sutures. And --- and it's --- well, to be honest - it's not a pretty sight."  
  
"Niles, Niles look at me darling," she gently insisted. Daphne led him over to the bed and sat down beside him on the firm mattress. "I love that scar, Niles. It is a reminder of how precious you are to me." As she talked she slowly unfastened the remaining buttons on his garment exposing his torso in the process. "If it wasn't for that scar, you would have never had your operation and then I would have lost you. That scar is a symbol of how much we love each other, an emblem of our complete devotion to each other. I know going through that operation was a scary thing for you, but you braved all the pain and the soreness for me --- for both of us, so that we could have a lot more lovely years together. It's like a wonderful gift to me, an offering of your love. That is what your scar means to me."  
  
She bent down and kissed his chest tenderly.  
  
"You --- you don't think it is ugly and repulsive?" he asked tentatively glancing down at the bandage covering the large scar that ran the length of his sternum.  
  
"How could I ever think that way about something that represents the sacrifice you made for me?" she whispered, looking into his tearfully anxious eyes. "I'll thank God every day that that scar is on your chest and you are safe at home in my arms."  
  
Daphne found herself wiping away some tears, despite a valiant effort to contain them. She raised herself up beside him again and cradled him in her arms for a few moments longer. Finally she broke the silence.  
  
"Come on," she said softly. "Let's get you into that shower. I'll change your dressings after and then you can lie down for a bit before dinner. We don't want you overtaxing yourself on your first day back home."  
  
"They said it would fade over time, didn't they?" Niles asked apprehensively.  
  
"Yes, dear," she replied patiently as she walked with him into the adjoining bathroom. "And I married such a hairy beast that I'll bet in no time flat hardly anyone will be able to see it and it will be our little 'love secret'."  
  
Daphne paused and giggled in the doorway. Niles looked at her with appreciative eyes.  
  
"Are you all right to do this on your own, or would you like me to help you out?" she offered.  
  
"You go pop the cork on the sparkling cider and I'll manage this on my own Daphne," he said with a relieved smile. "And maybe after you change my bandage, could you massage my leg? The spot where they harvested the vein is throbbing and I just can't face putting that damned support hose that the hospital gave me, back on."  
  
"Anything for you, my pet," she cooed softly as she kissed him on the cheek. "See you in a bit. Just get your jamies on and lie down on the bed after your shower and I'll be in shortly to make you feel clean and cared for."  
  
"This is a much better hotel than the last one I was in," Niles joked.  
  
Daphne responded with a grin.  
  
"Welcome home, Niles."  
  
It was good to see him in a livelier mood. As she shut the bathroom door and headed for the kitchen she silently patted herself on the back for the masterful way in which she had helped him over the first major hurtle of his "period of adjustment". Perhaps this recovery thing would go more smoothly than anticipated.  
  
Little did she know at the time, how wrong she was.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Niles actually did feel more upbeat after Daphne reassured him that the scar was no great disfigurement. He allowed himself to relax finally and enjoy the water rushing over his body. He had grown tired of sponge baths by a parade of various nurses, given to him while he stayed in the cardiac care unit in the hospital. He never really felt completely clean after one of those and he longed for the comfort of a familiar shower in his own home. It was almost cathartic in nature, purging him of the lingering effects of his incarceration in the hospital. His mind drifted amid the clouds of moist steam --- he found himself thinking about Daphne and the warm comforting feel of her arms around him. As he lathered himself up with soap, his thoughts became instinctively more erotic. How long had it been since he and Daphne had made love to each other? At least three weeks his groin calculated. A tingling sensation enveloped him as he felt his hardening erection --- yes, it had been a while. The doctors had recommended another two weeks of abstinence due to a delay in the healing of his incision caused by an infection that developed during his hospital stay. Niles closed his eyes and groaned, his breathing became ragged as he sought relief. But about half way through his carnal preoccupations he felt a painful twinge in his chest. He leaned against the ceramic wall for support, as the twinge became a stabbing invasion in his body. Hysteria overtook him.  
  
"My God!" he thought in a complete frenzy. "I'm about to have a full blown heart attack masturbating in the shower!"  
  
He shut off the water quickly, tore back the curtain in alarm and stumbled out of the shower. All previous lustful imaginings had rapidly taken flight as he flaccidly sat down on the toilet.  
  
"If I die," he hyperventilated. "Daphne --- Daphne will find me naked --- and dripping all over the floor slumped on the commode! How undignified!"  
  
As he leaned forward, propping his head up in his hands, he noticed the pain was subsiding a bit. He braced himself against the counter of the basin and tried to breathe deeply. With each passing second he felt less discomfort.  
  
"Niles?" Daphne tapped on the door as she spoke with an indication of concern. "Niles? Is everything all right?"  
  
His head snapped back with a sharp intake of air.  
  
Niles felt suddenly very foolish. He had brought this upon himself with his overly libidinous desires. He imagined Daphne prudently reminding him that the doctors had recommended a slow and cautious pace in matters of a sexual kind.  
  
"Yes --- yes, everything is just fine, Daphne!" he exclaimed with a tad too much tension in his voice to be totally convincing.  
  
"You're sure?" she probed again for good measure.  
  
"Yes, darling," he responded with a more measured ebullience. "I'll --- I'll be out in a minute."  
  
He held his breath wishing fervently that she would accept his statement of wellness.  
  
"As long as you are sure," she commented. "But I'm coming back in five minutes with the massage oil and I want to see you on that bed flat on your back."  
  
Niles let out his breath with a sigh as he heard her footsteps fade across the room. He was convinced that he had just experienced what was known in the vernacular as a "close call". He decided there and then that he would just lower his risks and take things very, very slowly until he was absolutely sure that he was all right. No more letting his cravings get the better of him. He would change his outlook towards life! He would accept a more serene and distanced approach towards things. That would help slow things down until he had completely recovered. It wouldn't be easy, he would have to subjugate a lot of emotions to maintain this even plane, but he would just have to do it. He didn't have a choice if he wanted to live. Death was a scary alternative. For now though, he would mask any outward fears he had, so as not to worry Daphne unduly. There was no way he was going to put Daphne through the emotional stress of fretting about his health again so soon after what she had just endured. He was determined not to allow the panic he felt today creep into his and Daphne's lives and take over.  
  
"In the long run," he rationalized. "It will be better for Daphne and me all round. When I am completely sure that I have recovered I can go back to all my normal routines and risks."  
  
With that pronouncement in place, he dried himself off, dressed in his pajamas and went out to face the brave new world he was about to create.  
  
  
  
To be continued (Part 5 to follow) 


	5. Part 5 The Heart is an Irrational Hunte...

Heartbeats (Part 5 - The Heart is an Irrational Hunter)  
  
  
  
By Valma  
  
  
  
"Whatcha' watching?"  
  
Niles had wandered into the TV room drawn in by the sound of voices and occasional chord of organ music. He found his mother-in-law propped up on the couch with a glass of scotch in one hand and a bowl of finger snacks in her lap, deeply involved a television program of some sort. Tired of reading his dog-eared copy of Flaubert's "Madame Bovary", his exercises long taken care of, he just wanted some human contact, what with Daphne being out shopping for groceries.  
  
"If I make a concerted effort, I could use this opportunity of forced confinement to improve my relations with Gertie," he reasoned. "And there will be the added bonus that if we get along better, one more element of stress in my life will have disappeared."  
  
"Me soaps," Mum Moon curtly informed him not bothering to turn her head.  
  
"Mind if I join you?" Niles proffered cautiously sidling up closer until his hands rested on the back of the sofa.  
  
"Suit yourself," she shrugged and continued to devour the morsels of food from the dish.  
  
Seeing how that was likely the best invitation available, he perched himself on the opposite end of the couch like he was maintaining his balance on a teeter-totter. Even without looking, he could feel her eyeballing him with a certain amount of suspicion. Undeterred, Niles gathered up his courage and plunged into the unknown waters of striking up a conversation with Daphne's mum.  
  
"Soooo --- what's happening in the story so far," he bravely inquired.  
  
"How can I tell with someone chatterin' in me ear during the show?" Gertrude snapped.  
  
This wasn't going to be easy. Niles sighed and leaned back against the cushion. Gertrude wasn't the most agreeable of people. He waited until the commercials came on and then redoubled his valiant efforts to be genial.  
  
"It's amazing how complex the plots of these stories are," he offered. "Gertrude, you must have to have a remarkable memory to keep all the characters and their various exploits straight."  
  
"Why --- thank you, Niles," she stammered slightly taken aback. "I --- I guess it does require an effort to keep up with everyone's story."  
  
"Well, bravo!" he continued extending his verbal olive branch as far as he dared. "I knew you would be the perfect person to help me understand the entanglements of the plot. I can see it is reminiscent of the Italian or French 'Commedia del'Arte', but I need a guide, someone to escort me along through the intricate and enigmatic passages of the story."  
  
"Let me get this straight," Gertie confirmed. "You --- want me --- to help --- you understand 'The Young and the Restless'?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"You? Mister hoity-toity,'I know everything about literature and then some', wants to learn from --- from me, Gertrude Moon."  
  
"You are the master, I am your humble student," Niles reassured her, bowing his head as a sign of his sincerity.  
  
"All right --- in that case, I'd be happy to oblige you Niles," Gertie finally conceded. "And who knows, if this works out, then maybe I'll give you some pointers on improving your poker game."  
  
  
  
  
  
Niles smiled and shrugged, "Who knows where our new found amiability will lead?" This was going to be easier than it first appeared. It would be a virtual cakewalk in comparison to the schooling of sycophancy that he had graduated from under Maris' tutelage. "I could learn all sorts of things from you. I've decided that life is too short to just view it from one angle all the time. I want to broaden my world and what better place to start than in my very own home --- right now --- here with you."  
  
  
  
  
  
"I guess that operation of yours really did more good than I imagined," Gertie mused.  
  
  
  
"Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship," Niles quipped.  
  
Gertrude looked puzzled at him, but was obviously starting to soften under his charm and flattery.  
  
"It's from the movie 'Casablanca'," Niles offered by way of an explanation.  
  
"Oh," she said as she took another large sip of her drink, "Well must warn you, I don't like foreign films. Now, about our program --- you see that fellow? He's the head doctor. His girlfriend is Ashley, who is in a coma and --- "  
  
  
  
  
  
When Daphne came home she thought it was "kind of cute", the two of them sitting on the couch together, Niles nodding earnestly, while her mum, relishing her new found role as his teacher, explained patiently the twists and turns of the program's plot. At least it was a beginning - he was out of his pajamas finally, up and about on his own accord, instead of isolating himself in the guest bedroom, hiding from the world. It might be an indication that he was ready to re-join the world of the "living".  
  
By the end of the week however, Daphne's initial delight at seeing Niles watch soap operas with her mother, had turned into more misgiving. She began to realize that he was merely substituting one rut for another. Watching endless daytime dramas on television was just another way of Niles avoiding real life.  
  
Although he pontificated endlessly about how grateful he was that he had been spared the grim reaper's scythe, what a blessing each new dawning day was and that he was "going to make the most of it", she began to notice a disturbing pattern emerging as the weeks went by. While he was diligent about doing his exercises and sticking to his post-operative regimen, he seemed to be satisfied to live vicariously through others, keeping everything at an arm's length, so that he minimized any direct physical or emotional risk to himself. He wouldn't entertain any thought of returning to his office or even looking at his patient files. He wouldn't leave the house unless she went with him. It had been weeks since the doctor had cleared him to return to a more normal diet, but Niles insisted on eating only the blandest of foods. His chest bone was healing remarkably now, but still he refused to drive his car or play squash with his uncharacteristically but remarkably tolerant brother.  
  
And the most worrisome thing of all was that he seemed to be less and less interested in any type of intimate contact as time passed. He was profusely affectionate in some ways, hugging her, stroking her back constantly, clinging to her if they went out for a walk like a two year old child, finding almost any excuse to reach out and touch her. He even had begun regularly sniffing her hair again, something he only did occasionally since they were married. But whenever she tried to stimulate any deeper sexual curiosity in him, she would hit a roadblock. He'd initially respond with excitement but then, inevitably, he would back off before anything really developed. Never was this made more abundantly clear to her than one day, a few weeks after he came home, in the Café Nervosa. He definitely seemed aroused when she purposely teased him with an image of "Nurse Naughty" ministering to his every desire, but cast aside her enticing offer only a few minutes later with a strained "let's wait and see until after my stress test". The examination came and went, and he was given a clean bill of health, but Niles still refused to give in to his very obvious feelings of passions for her.  
  
Daphne grew more anxious about his lack of intimacy as a few weeks dragged into almost two months.  
  
"I know he's scared, but if he doesn't have a breakthrough soon, I'll have to take matters into me own hands," she concluded one long, lonely night while watching an infomercial on television. "Whatever fears that are holding him back, must be very powerful ones indeed. But I also know he loves me. And I love him, so I'll be patient. If I pressure him too soon, he just may panic about it and that wouldn't do any good at all."  
  
Daphne drew her knees up close to her chest and rocked back and forth, starring blankly at the fuzzy reception on the screen after the national anthem had run its course.  
  
Something was about to give way and it was either going to be her sanity or Niles' fears. One thing was certain - the status quo was about to change.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Daphne rolled over lazily and opened her eyes. The morning light was just beginning to permeate the room. A gentle snuffling sound issued forth from the blankets beside her. Reaching out, she pushed back the bedcoverings and lightly grazed her fingers along Niles' angular jaw tickling him in the process. His eyes remained shut, but his nose twitched in response to her touch. A spontaneous smile slowly spread across his face as he moved instinctively closer to her reclining form until he was snuggled up in her arms.  
  
Something was digging into her back. Daphne reached around behind her and pulled at the offending object --- a stethoscope. She chuckled out loud. "Nurse Naughty"'s tools of the trade were never utilized quite in the way that she had employed them last night!  
  
Although her scheme for using her "feminine wiles" wasn't the motivator she had planned, it still had come in handy during the ensuing evening.  
  
And what a night they had!  
  
Daphne was glad that the music she had selected was one of Niles' favourites - he called it his "Wagner for Lovers" CD. She giggled, remembering the look on his face when he heard the first strains of the instruments. It harmonized perfectly with the burning rapture in his eyes. Everyone always saw just the prim and proper Niles, the anal-retentive erudite man in the expensive Armani suit. But he could be very spontaneous and playful when they were alone together. She recalled his erotic humour about hitting the "high notes" and how he would take her on a real "Ride of the Valkyries". She knew he savored every sensual moment of their lovemaking. She could feel him absorbing every fragrance, every sight, sound and touch of her. All the pent up emotions that he had been suppressing recently burst forth with an unflagging fervor that left them both exhausted at the evening's end.  
  
She loved the way his attentive fingers stroked her willing flesh, the manner in which his adventurous lips mapped out hidden delights on her body. He used his tongue like the flickering flame of a candle, igniting a continual firestorm of ardent appetite within her.  
  
Just thinking about the ecstasy she had experienced left her trembling.  
  
Niles squeezed her tighter, embracing her naked body with his leg.  
  
"Are you cold, darling?" he asked sleepily as he finally opened his eyes. He pressed his lips against her cheek and kissed her sweetly.  
  
"No," she replied. "I've never been warmer in my entire life."  
  
She nuzzled his chin gently. Her fingers playfully stroked the soft mat of hair that had already started to grow back on his chest. Carefully she outlined the periphery of his scar --- slowly, deliberately like she was a blind person trying to gain as much information as possible with one pass of her hand.  
  
"I adore you so much, Niles," she finally said, breaking the silence. "Let's both of us promise never to let anything ever come between our love again."  
  
He looked at her with watery eyes.  
  
"I am so sorry," his voice shook as he spoke. "Thank goodness Dad gave me that little speech last night. Who knows how long I would have allowed my apprehensions control my life? I can't believe I treated you so --- so --- Daphne --- Daphne, can you every forgive me?"  
  
She leaned back and placed her finger over his lips.  
  
"Remember, before we got married and we decided to let each other have one irrational demand?" She waited until he nodded in agreement before continuing, "Well, you used yours up pretty quickly if I recall?" Again he bobbed his head humbly without a sound. "Now it's my turn, Niles and my irrational demand is that we don't ever speak of attaching any blame to this --- ever. All right? I don't want you feeling guilty about what you did. I understand fully why you acted the way that you did and I also know the terror you felt was genuine --- so there isn't any use assigning culpability on just one person. I could have been more open with you too -- - I should have told you about how I felt. You weren't the only one keeping your feelings bottled up. So we'll just call it even and move on from there --- O.K.?"  
  
An expression of pure serenity crossed his face.  
  
"Yes boss," he said at last with a sly smile.  
  
"It's Nurse Naughty to you, " she laughed. "Now let's get up and prepare some breakfast --- what would you like?"  
  
"Bangers and mash," he announced suggestively.  
  
Daphne's eyes narrowed suspiciously.  
  
"Too fattening," she decreed. "And you hate sausages."  
  
"How about if you just butter my buns then." he teased, straddling her body while he spoke.  
  
Daphne giggled.  
  
"Is all you can think about this morning is sex, Niles Crane?" she exclaimed.  
  
"Noooo --- I'm --- thinking about --- music too," he professed reaching over and flicking on the CD player. "Let's do a repeat performance of the Prelude from Tristan and Isolde."  
  
The voluptuous music undulated over them like an orgasmic tide rushing to the shore.  
  
"Play on Maestro," concurred Daphne with a grin, pulling Niles down until she could feel his heart beating strongly against her breasts and they melted into a state of bliss. "Play on!"  
  
The End 


End file.
